My mother is dying

My mother is dying. It seems strange to put that in black and white, just like that. My mother is dying. The words do indeed sound odd as I mull it around in my head.
It shouldnt come as any surprise - she's really been dying for the past 4 years, ever since my dad died. Her stroke on Thanksgiving Eve and then this past weekend her recent episode where her heartbeat refused to go over 52 even with the external pacemaker were just the most recent manifestations.
Yes, Friday morning when the doctor called and asked what we, the family, wanted to do - did put the words in motion... what did we the family want to do.... As the only local child and the health care power of attorney, it was my responsibility to call my brother and sisters. What did we want to do? Could she survive surgery? My mother is dying.
And as one of the family asked "Does she have the will to live?" And bluntly the answer is "no". She's been dying for a long time, and for many reasons. She doesnt have the will, the desire to live, to see new things, to hear new songs, to laugh.

Historically, my religious faith, Universalism, has been derided by others as not "a good faith to die in". Not having died yet, I cant really say for sure; but my mother's faith (not the same as mine) doesn't seem to be a good faith to live in. At least for her. I hope it gives her some strength, but it doesn't seem to give her enough - we are not just folks born to die (although we do), what we do and say does matter (although I will grant not as much as we want) -- our life does have meaning - and my faith sustains that for me.

Bob Dylan (recently declared a false prophet - a term he might agree with) once said that "he is not busy being born, is busy dying"... our life has to stay involved, to stay active - even if the active part is the brain, even if the active part slows down ....

there are poems to write, there are songs to sing, there are birds to watch,
you can do some of those things from your bed or chair.

I expect to say sometime later this year, that my mother is dead. The body doesn't last forever... I'd like to say that like Universalists of old, she could see the joy and love of life; and the joy and love in life.........